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A Better Plan for Holiday Get-togethers November 18, 2010

Posted by lablount in Economics: Math with Consequences, Holidays, Humor, Politics, TSA-holes.
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Follow along with me.  Here are some facts.

1)     We are all sick of the NekkidScanners and the TSA.
2)     It’s expensive to fly.
3)     It’s degrading to fly.
4)     If you are alone, no one likes to fly alone.
5)     If you have kids, no one likes to fly with kids.
6)     If you are just a couple, you have better things you could be doing than being strapped into a seat created for a 12-year-old for hours (even if the idea of being strapped to anything normally turns you on).

OK, those are the existing conditions of winging your way across the friendly skies.

Let us examine some other real world facts.

1)     Who really likes going home for the holiday?
2)     Even if you miss you’re mum, there’s at least one creepy relative you’d lose a body part before talking to them.
3)     No one loves staying with relatives.
4)     No one loves relatives staying with them.
5)     It’s still not Christmas yet.
6)     People would rather have money than gifts.
7)     Even if you plan to buy a gift, you can either have it mailed directly to your intended target or have UPS or FedEx do the heavy lifting for you.
8 )     Netbooks are cheap.
9)     Netbooks have web cams.
10) Most people have internet and if they don’t, they really need to get into this century.

So, given all of these facts about the trouble, expense, and down right degradation one must endure by flying, I propose that if you are not within driving distance…

Don’t go. 

Yep, that’s right, don’t go.  Just call mummy and daddy and tell them you won’t be there, but you will be seeing them.  Send them a netbook with a web cam for Christmas (surely cheaper than the cost of tickets) and have a web party.  Invite local family and friends (probably the people you’d rather spend your holiday with anyway — if not, you wouldn’t have moved a thousand miles away from your dysfunctional family in the first place) and have your remote users do the same.  Share your parties over the web. 

Mail your presents or gift cards with special notes telling them how much you love them.  Send hand written letters remembering special times you’ve shared. 

Ok, what if they don’t have internet?  Not a problem.  Most places have no contract unlimited cell service and usb aircards.  Get them a line for a month and then let it lapse.   It’s still cheaper than a set of tickets for you and the younguns.  But more importantly, what is your dignity worth?  What is the wasted time worth? 

And this idea helps the economy.  Most online and big box stores sell netbooks, so that money that would be wasted in the airline sector goes immediately into the retail sector.  Sure it’s zero sum, but consumer confidence is really measured by retail so the numbers will look good and make the average Joe feel good.

Bonus is that we get to poke .gov in the eye.  When the airlines lose money, they will start yelling at lawmakers, “Remember that donation I was going to give you, EVER again?”  Once that happens, no matter how much the well-connected are making off the PornoScopes, they won’t match coin that the airlines have to throw around. 

I know it’s going to be hard to convince the folks that this is a good idea.  They so want to see you and make your life a living hell welcome home all the offspring.  But it takes bold moves in hard times to fight tyranny.  Men have lost their lives in this noble pursuit, the least you can do is forgo Aunt Fran’s fruit cake this year.  Who knows, she may FedEx you your own personal sized loaf. 🙂 

A Picture is Worth a Thousand… Beatings May 24, 2010

Posted by lablount in Gaia doesn't love you., Idiot, Nature.
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Now I’m ok with a wild animal, endangered or not, being put down for attacking a human.  Once that animal has the taste for human blood, it’s lost its fear of humans and is a danger.  That being said:  Because of idiots like this, I want is the following Regs added to all state and federal lands.  1) If a person causes the death of the animal by being a dumbass and forgetting that animals are not our furry friends but, you know, WILD ANIMALS, then that person should have to be present to watch the animal being put down.  2) Upon the death of said animal, said dumbass will placed in a pillory for a time not to exceed 30 days where passers by, for a fee to be collected for the upkeep of the park, may do nasty and unsanitary things to said dumbass’ nethers with any rusty implements smaller than 15 inches and not to exceed 2 pounds in gross weight.

“Don’t feed the bears,” is NOT we humans being mean and nasty to our nature brothers.  It’s an acknowledgement that once you leave suburbia, you are no longer the top of the food chain.  Act like it.  You are prey, and when a wild animal does you the courtesy of leaving you alone, you do likewise lest you end up proving that you belonged at the edge of the herd.  You see, when those guys on NatGeo and Animal Planet go out looking at all does cuddwy wuddwy widdle fuzzys, what you don’t see are the armed guides with mad hunting skills, that include knocking a gnat off a pin head at 100 yards, and their high powered rifles.  …Because nature does not love us no mater how much you give to the WWF or how much granola you eat.

If you bug a critter, not matter how small, it will finally decide it’s either you or it; and it ALWAYS votes “it”.   Sometimes that vote ends in it running like a deer.  But when that animal is equipped with claws and teeth and a usually surly ‘tude, you can pretty much guess it’s coin if going to land on “Fight” more often than “Flight”.  Act accordingly.

I wish that would have been a bearzilla that guy decided to go all Annie Leibovitz on!