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God Didn’t Get the Memo February 3, 2011

Posted by lablount in Gaia doesn't love you., Global Climate Warming Changings?, Humor.
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TO: God
RE: Cold Weather

I’m not sure if it’s come to your attention, but the best and the brightest minds on Earth (And we know they are since they tell us they are the smartest people in the room) have said that the planet is warming.  It appears that Heaven’s Climate Control Division has not availed themselves of this commonly held insight as my current temperature reads in the twenties and the sun is well over the horizon. 

Please alert your staff to make changes to the normal climate cycle, sun spot cycle, and global weather patterns immediately or face inquiry from members of the faculty of the University of  East Anglia. 

Thank you for your attention in this matter.

Sincerely,
The Gulf Coast

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A Picture is Worth a Thousand… Beatings May 24, 2010

Posted by lablount in Gaia doesn't love you., Idiot, Nature.
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Now I’m ok with a wild animal, endangered or not, being put down for attacking a human.  Once that animal has the taste for human blood, it’s lost its fear of humans and is a danger.  That being said:  Because of idiots like this, I want is the following Regs added to all state and federal lands.  1) If a person causes the death of the animal by being a dumbass and forgetting that animals are not our furry friends but, you know, WILD ANIMALS, then that person should have to be present to watch the animal being put down.  2) Upon the death of said animal, said dumbass will placed in a pillory for a time not to exceed 30 days where passers by, for a fee to be collected for the upkeep of the park, may do nasty and unsanitary things to said dumbass’ nethers with any rusty implements smaller than 15 inches and not to exceed 2 pounds in gross weight.

“Don’t feed the bears,” is NOT we humans being mean and nasty to our nature brothers.  It’s an acknowledgement that once you leave suburbia, you are no longer the top of the food chain.  Act like it.  You are prey, and when a wild animal does you the courtesy of leaving you alone, you do likewise lest you end up proving that you belonged at the edge of the herd.  You see, when those guys on NatGeo and Animal Planet go out looking at all does cuddwy wuddwy widdle fuzzys, what you don’t see are the armed guides with mad hunting skills, that include knocking a gnat off a pin head at 100 yards, and their high powered rifles.  …Because nature does not love us no mater how much you give to the WWF or how much granola you eat.

If you bug a critter, not matter how small, it will finally decide it’s either you or it; and it ALWAYS votes “it”.   Sometimes that vote ends in it running like a deer.  But when that animal is equipped with claws and teeth and a usually surly ‘tude, you can pretty much guess it’s coin if going to land on “Fight” more often than “Flight”.  Act accordingly.

I wish that would have been a bearzilla that guy decided to go all Annie Leibovitz on!