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Dear Food Network, RE: The Next Iron Chef October 4, 2010

Posted by lablount in Food, Humor, Media, TV.
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A rude English judge?  HOW FRACKING ORIGINAL! 

Ming Tsai?  Ringer much?  I freakin’ hate that guy’s attitude and his recipes.  I might find him slightly more palatable to watch than Cat “mah down home cookin’ always includes a ton of truffles and caviar” Cora.  But only just.  If he’s replacing her, maybe it’s a step up.  But if both are on the panel.  UGH! 

And can you get a better sound tech?  What’s with the farty noise those giant doors were making?  Was that supposed to be ominous?  All it sounded like was some fat guy just ate a bunch of Mexican food.  Maybe it’s the soul of Jeffery Steingarten protesting his role being taken over by a pompous bald Dumbo-eared Brit who doesn’t like honey?

I have no favorites yet.  None of them wowed me.  The Chorizo sandwich SOUNDED like a grate idea, but apparently it’s possible to frack up Chorizo?  No, I have no idea how you mess it up and don’t, “…put enough meat…,” on the plate?  IT’S CHORIZO!  You pile it on until your heart shoots a pain down your left arm then you double that amount. 

…And my one ingredient on a desert island?  POTABLE WATER!  IT’S A DESERT!  I watch all those survival shows.  I know what’s NOT on a Desert island. 

Alton, gain ten pounds, you don’t look well. 

Oh.  And to chef Estes, when you make Michael Symon regret eating Pork, you there, my friend, have accomplished something.  …And it’s not a good thing. 

I think I may bow out and not watch until they get down to the end, then root for whoever is picked to be the “Walter Mondale” to go up against Tsai’s “Ronald Reagan”.